Yep, the title says it all. Our first REAL vacation. Meaning, it was planned way in advance and we looked forward to it for a long time, planning and building the excitement so it peaked at just the right moment.
Funny how it all began. We are not great planners. We are even worse vacationers (is that a word?). Every time we would go home to Oklahoma to visit relatives, my sweet husband would start in about our upcoming "vacation." I would try to nicely explain to him that visiting relatives is visiting relatives. It is not a vacation. He adamantly disagrees, even to this very day.
So anyway, last year we went to the Houston home show. We had a nice time and got lots of ideas for how to spend money we don't have. Then we passed a booth that advertised a free vacation at Great Wolf Lodge. Well, my son's friend had just been to this amazing unknown mecca of childhood fantasy and my son started jumping up and down that we had to try to win it. My husband shrugged his shoulders and I nodded, "Sure. Why not? Free sounds good."
Nothing is ever free. EVER.
So, we spun the wheel and filled out the form and, "Surprise! You've won two nights at..." then the slick salesman in sheep's clothing rattled off some place I've never heard of and we all did a double take. "No, we want to go to Great Wolf Lodge? I thought you said we could win that?" After a short clarification that dear sweet man changed our prize to the much-desired kid-prized destination of, you guessed it, Great Wolf Lodge. Cue boy jumping up and down and squealing with delight.
Cut to...
Now I knew this would involve a timeshare. It always involves a timeshare. But I figured I could sit through two hours of hard-core sales to make the boy's dreams come true. After all, I know all the tricks of the trade from my own sales and marketing career and if I do say so myself, I was tops (thank you Zig Ziglar).
They've added a few little tweaks to this timeshare nonsense though. Before you go, you have to pay a fee. Well, it wasn't much and in light of the expense of the lodging we would get for free I said okay. So, we scheduled our timeshare visit and let the kids start building castles in the air.
On location...
We drove to Conroe, TX on the day of doom. It was a gorgeous day. Seventy lovely degrees and just beautiful. As we drove into the timeshare property, I sensed trouble. The property was beautiful. Gorgeous, actually. My resolve was set and I was ready for the onset of sales tactics from any Zig Ziglar compendium, but as I looked over at my husband, I realized we were in for trouble. He had this big grin on his face, the one that says, "I could live like this, yes, I could." I wanted to scream, I thought, "No you can't and don't even let the idea enter your gullible little head." I just smiled.
We were greeted by the nicest folks in the world. I mean, really, every need or desire was instantly met complete with popcorn, Dr. Pepper, candy, and more. The kids were loving this. We sat and waited for the salesperson to walk through the door. I watched as each family was whisked off to financial ruin by a smiling, commission-earning person of exceeding politeness. I blew out an exhalation, I had been holding my breath. Then he approached, eager and confident, reaching his hand out to me like he was my long lost buddy from early elementary school.
We got the grand tour. All the bells and whistles. Yay. Okay, it was lovely. Hardly the point. I am here to make my son's dreams come true, no more, no less, and purchasing a timeshare is not in the cards, got it? I just smiled as we walked into the room where numerous families were seated at tables in deep deliberation over monthly payments and maintenance fees.
This guy was good. I know good and this guy knew all the tricks. He was using the standard "you can't afford not to" tactic and the "emotional appeal" tactic very well. He had actually intertwined them and my husband was a goner.
You see, he had asked the question earlier of me (not my husband, mind you, me!), "Where is your dream vacation spot?" Well, knowing I could resist this guy to the very end I played along, "Italy, and Greece, " I innocently replied. Then I looked over at the Giant. Oops, apparently I had just made a fatal error. He looked like I had just smacked him.
Quick aside...the Giant has been EVERYWHERE. His work has given him world travel to all places of wondrous delight. His guilt was showing thanks to my honesty.
Anyway...Mr. I Can Sell You Anything latched on to my dream vacay and would not let up for one second. "Wouldn't you love to take your beautiful wife to Italy and make her dreams come true?" Jerk. That was really low. Okay, I don't mean he's really a bad person...he's just hitting below the belt here and that ticked me off.
After I wiped away a few stray tears because of my poor husband's inability to get the guy to lay off I pulled out my own big guns, I said, "No." The guy stared at me blankly for a full second. Then he launched into a counter attack (that's where they lower the monthly rate and reduce amenities to make it more affordable) and I said, "No." He didn't seem to understand. He had made me cry because I wanted to go to Italy and Greece so bad so this should be easy as pie, right? "No."
They reduced the price until my husband was ready to pull out his wallet and start signing documents just to get the heck out of there. They know this routine well, but they underestimated me.
Have you ever seen a salesman able to overcome the wife who says "No"? No, you haven't. It befuddles them. "I thought you wanted to go to..." "No." "We can't spend the money on that right now. No." Their jaw drops, they fiddle with papers, they look around the room for their boss to rescue them. The boss comes over and before he gets two words out I say, "No." "No."
Remember the two hour sales pitch I planned to attend? Can you say three and a half hours? Yes, they kept us there for that long. They just want you to give them money so they will let you leave. "No."
This next part gets interesting. Up til now they have been our best friends and our every need was catered to at every moment. When my last and final "No" reverberated off the walls of the room, suddenly the mood changed. Be advised, I was not leaving without said free vacation to Great Wolf Lodge, not after the toil and sweat of that nightmare. So I kindly asked where we should go to finish up and receive our documents. Well, the young man who had spent so much time with us practically ran out of the room...ran, he ran. His boss pointed to an exit door and said something to the effect of, "Go that way." Then he disappeared as well. We gathered up our exhausted and confused children (so we're not buying the timeshare?) and followed our noses. When we reached the building where those unseemly people who said "No" to the illustrious timeshare resort splendor go, we entered to find a woman behind a desk. She did not greet us. I said "hello" and what do we do next. She curtly replied that someone would call us soon.
After about ten grueling minutes we were called back by a woman who looked very sorry to be in possession of her job. We squeezed into a tiny room and were subjugated to explanations of why our free vacation was not free and how much it would cost. If I hadn't been so worn out I think I would have just exploded. Instead I smiled and nodded, it wasn't going to cost that much and in the long run it was way cheaper than paying the regular room rate. "Just get the certificate." That's all I kept thinking. I finally had it. She handed the blessed item over the desk and into my hands. There it was, two nights at Great Wolf Lodge for me and my family. For about a hundred and some odd dollars mind you, but it was ours, nonetheless.
It was a victory. We walked out of that room and out of the building towards our car. I was grinning from ear to ear. I couldn't help it. I had done it. I had kept my husband's wallet in his pocket and obtained the treasure of all treasures, the key to our first REAL family vacation. I couldn't wait to start planning and to see what else we could do in the area. It was like winning the Super Bowl. Ring, please?
Part 2 will document the months and phone calls and emails it took to actually BOOK the vacation. Anyone thinking of repeating our experience should be warned, I do NOT recommend it. These people are really aliens and they have mind altering popcorn. You have been duly warned.
Funny how it all began. We are not great planners. We are even worse vacationers (is that a word?). Every time we would go home to Oklahoma to visit relatives, my sweet husband would start in about our upcoming "vacation." I would try to nicely explain to him that visiting relatives is visiting relatives. It is not a vacation. He adamantly disagrees, even to this very day.
So anyway, last year we went to the Houston home show. We had a nice time and got lots of ideas for how to spend money we don't have. Then we passed a booth that advertised a free vacation at Great Wolf Lodge. Well, my son's friend had just been to this amazing unknown mecca of childhood fantasy and my son started jumping up and down that we had to try to win it. My husband shrugged his shoulders and I nodded, "Sure. Why not? Free sounds good."
Nothing is ever free. EVER.
So, we spun the wheel and filled out the form and, "Surprise! You've won two nights at..." then the slick salesman in sheep's clothing rattled off some place I've never heard of and we all did a double take. "No, we want to go to Great Wolf Lodge? I thought you said we could win that?" After a short clarification that dear sweet man changed our prize to the much-desired kid-prized destination of, you guessed it, Great Wolf Lodge. Cue boy jumping up and down and squealing with delight.
Cut to...
Now I knew this would involve a timeshare. It always involves a timeshare. But I figured I could sit through two hours of hard-core sales to make the boy's dreams come true. After all, I know all the tricks of the trade from my own sales and marketing career and if I do say so myself, I was tops (thank you Zig Ziglar).
They've added a few little tweaks to this timeshare nonsense though. Before you go, you have to pay a fee. Well, it wasn't much and in light of the expense of the lodging we would get for free I said okay. So, we scheduled our timeshare visit and let the kids start building castles in the air.
On location...
We drove to Conroe, TX on the day of doom. It was a gorgeous day. Seventy lovely degrees and just beautiful. As we drove into the timeshare property, I sensed trouble. The property was beautiful. Gorgeous, actually. My resolve was set and I was ready for the onset of sales tactics from any Zig Ziglar compendium, but as I looked over at my husband, I realized we were in for trouble. He had this big grin on his face, the one that says, "I could live like this, yes, I could." I wanted to scream, I thought, "No you can't and don't even let the idea enter your gullible little head." I just smiled.
We were greeted by the nicest folks in the world. I mean, really, every need or desire was instantly met complete with popcorn, Dr. Pepper, candy, and more. The kids were loving this. We sat and waited for the salesperson to walk through the door. I watched as each family was whisked off to financial ruin by a smiling, commission-earning person of exceeding politeness. I blew out an exhalation, I had been holding my breath. Then he approached, eager and confident, reaching his hand out to me like he was my long lost buddy from early elementary school.
We got the grand tour. All the bells and whistles. Yay. Okay, it was lovely. Hardly the point. I am here to make my son's dreams come true, no more, no less, and purchasing a timeshare is not in the cards, got it? I just smiled as we walked into the room where numerous families were seated at tables in deep deliberation over monthly payments and maintenance fees.
This guy was good. I know good and this guy knew all the tricks. He was using the standard "you can't afford not to" tactic and the "emotional appeal" tactic very well. He had actually intertwined them and my husband was a goner.
You see, he had asked the question earlier of me (not my husband, mind you, me!), "Where is your dream vacation spot?" Well, knowing I could resist this guy to the very end I played along, "Italy, and Greece, " I innocently replied. Then I looked over at the Giant. Oops, apparently I had just made a fatal error. He looked like I had just smacked him.
Quick aside...the Giant has been EVERYWHERE. His work has given him world travel to all places of wondrous delight. His guilt was showing thanks to my honesty.
Anyway...Mr. I Can Sell You Anything latched on to my dream vacay and would not let up for one second. "Wouldn't you love to take your beautiful wife to Italy and make her dreams come true?" Jerk. That was really low. Okay, I don't mean he's really a bad person...he's just hitting below the belt here and that ticked me off.
After I wiped away a few stray tears because of my poor husband's inability to get the guy to lay off I pulled out my own big guns, I said, "No." The guy stared at me blankly for a full second. Then he launched into a counter attack (that's where they lower the monthly rate and reduce amenities to make it more affordable) and I said, "No." He didn't seem to understand. He had made me cry because I wanted to go to Italy and Greece so bad so this should be easy as pie, right? "No."
They reduced the price until my husband was ready to pull out his wallet and start signing documents just to get the heck out of there. They know this routine well, but they underestimated me.
Have you ever seen a salesman able to overcome the wife who says "No"? No, you haven't. It befuddles them. "I thought you wanted to go to..." "No." "We can't spend the money on that right now. No." Their jaw drops, they fiddle with papers, they look around the room for their boss to rescue them. The boss comes over and before he gets two words out I say, "No." "No."
Remember the two hour sales pitch I planned to attend? Can you say three and a half hours? Yes, they kept us there for that long. They just want you to give them money so they will let you leave. "No."
This next part gets interesting. Up til now they have been our best friends and our every need was catered to at every moment. When my last and final "No" reverberated off the walls of the room, suddenly the mood changed. Be advised, I was not leaving without said free vacation to Great Wolf Lodge, not after the toil and sweat of that nightmare. So I kindly asked where we should go to finish up and receive our documents. Well, the young man who had spent so much time with us practically ran out of the room...ran, he ran. His boss pointed to an exit door and said something to the effect of, "Go that way." Then he disappeared as well. We gathered up our exhausted and confused children (so we're not buying the timeshare?) and followed our noses. When we reached the building where those unseemly people who said "No" to the illustrious timeshare resort splendor go, we entered to find a woman behind a desk. She did not greet us. I said "hello" and what do we do next. She curtly replied that someone would call us soon.
After about ten grueling minutes we were called back by a woman who looked very sorry to be in possession of her job. We squeezed into a tiny room and were subjugated to explanations of why our free vacation was not free and how much it would cost. If I hadn't been so worn out I think I would have just exploded. Instead I smiled and nodded, it wasn't going to cost that much and in the long run it was way cheaper than paying the regular room rate. "Just get the certificate." That's all I kept thinking. I finally had it. She handed the blessed item over the desk and into my hands. There it was, two nights at Great Wolf Lodge for me and my family. For about a hundred and some odd dollars mind you, but it was ours, nonetheless.
It was a victory. We walked out of that room and out of the building towards our car. I was grinning from ear to ear. I couldn't help it. I had done it. I had kept my husband's wallet in his pocket and obtained the treasure of all treasures, the key to our first REAL family vacation. I couldn't wait to start planning and to see what else we could do in the area. It was like winning the Super Bowl. Ring, please?
Part 2 will document the months and phone calls and emails it took to actually BOOK the vacation. Anyone thinking of repeating our experience should be warned, I do NOT recommend it. These people are really aliens and they have mind altering popcorn. You have been duly warned.
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