A REAL Vacation, Part 2

We left Conroe for home, tired and relieved that we had emerged unscathed by the sales pitch and the lure of world travel on the cheap.  Our minds were full of the wonders of a real family vacation.  What would it be like?  Would we have fun?  Beyond our wildest dreams?  Hmmmm.

The documents came with detailed instructions for booking said vacation.  Warning:  this exercise is not for the faint of heart (meaning anyone not well-organized).  The first task was to send an email to the site listed and fill in our names and vital information.  I did that.  Easy.  Then I was told to await another email which would contain the next instructions.  Um, okay.  That's kinda weird, but I'm game.

Several weeks later the long-awaited email arrived.  Choose your destination.  We, of course, selected the much touted Great Wolf Lodge, filled out the other survey questions and hit, send.  A box appeared, "Thank you.  Your vacation specialist will contact you soon.  Be ready with travel dates that will be selected at the next communication."

Whoa!  I have to pick travel dates nine months in advance?  That's asking a lot.  I don't know what we're doing next weekend much less nine months from now.  I panicked for a moment.  Well, no use worrying until the email actually arrived, so I went about my business.

Months go by.  No email.  The kids want to know when we are going on this grand illustrious stupendous vacation.  It seems the communiques are lost in the void, I begin to worry a little.

Then one day, boom, there it is in my inbox.  A message.  Choose your stay, one or two nights, pay up the taxes and fees (remember the part where I said "Nothing is EVER free?").  Done.  Choose your dates.  Now things are getting tricky.

We joined speech and debate this year.  All of the competitions are in the Spring and I have NO IDEA WHAT THE DATES ARE!  I was given three options and THEY got to choose which of the three dates we would go.  Nothing like surrendering your life to the monsters living in the void who dictate when your free vacation can be booked.  Oh well, here goes nothing.  I chose.  One in March, one in April, one in May.  Please let this work out.  Please!

You know, sometimes things just fall into place, and other times they don't.  God was watching over this vacation in many ways.  I see that now that I'm on the other end of it.

May.  We got May.  We couldn't have gone ANY of the other dates I chose.  Speech tournaments.  Wow.  Awesome.  Problem?  It's January.  Can my kids stand the wait?

I was hounded daily as to when the auspicious date would finally arrive.  We got through speech and debate season, went to regionals (woo hoo!), and finally landed back home ready for some relaxation and fun.  There it was, looming ahead.  Two weeks.  I had two weeks to get ready.  Ugh oh.  I have done no research on what else there is to do there.  I have not booked additional hotel stays elsewhere.  Crunch time.

The infamous day of departure finally arrives.  My daughter is taking an online class, so we pack up the Expedition with five suitcases plus laptop and hotspot and head out for Dallas.  It sure is quiet in the car when the kids have to be so that sis can listen to her class.  Insert smile.

The trip went smoothly.  The truth is, I still haven't had much time to research Great Wolf Lodge until this very moment, in the car, with nothing else to do.  What has all the fuss been about, anyway?  I was about to find out.

Tune in for part 3, coming soon!

Can I trust anyone else to teach my daughter anything?

Okay, the title of this post is sarcasm at its best.  Let's just admit from the outset that I am a control freak and that should pretty much cover it.  That said, this week we ventured into the world of online classes.

Yes, I enrolled my daughter in her first foray into the outside world of learning at the ripe old age of fourteen.  Now I know some of you are going to just bust a gasket over this but let me explain first.  Kitten is special.  She's not like most kids.  No, she's not autistic or OCD, and she is not handicapped in any obvious way.  But she does have a condition that makes her look at the world her own special way.  I don't need to elaborate on that except to say that she processes information differently than you and I and sometimes communication can be challenging if you are not aware that she isn't hearing what you think you are saying.

So to make a long story short, I have been her teacher for so long because I have learned how to communicate with her.  But life requires that we adapt and I have realized sooner is better than later at this point. 

We discovered Landry Academy thanks to suggestions from some friends.  Since we began Speech and Debate this year, I thought their class entitled Great Orators would be a super place to start.  I registered her for the class and awaited educational enlightenment to descend from the waves of the wifi. 

Enter Murphy, as in that playful fellow who's surname is "Law."  We go to the library to get the book and tahdah, they have two copies!  The librarian hands me one off the shelf and we proudly head to the check out.  To cover our bases, I also order a used copy from Amazon so that if need be I can read with her and we can discuss the speeches together.  It is four days before class and we are almost ready.

Landry Academy has a great IT department to help you get your computer ready for class.  It took me two hours to do this but I was using an older PC and it had some JAVA issues.  Their IT guys cleaned it up though and we were ready for class on Monday!

First day of class.  She logged on and all was well, until she tried to find the page in her book the teacher was reading from.  Page 1100?  Our book ends at 9 hundred something or other.  What?  Huh?  Hiccup number one: the copyright date the syllabus listed for the book was 2004.  Our books were dated 1997.  The syllabus did not state that we needed the third edition, nor did it state that the book was in its third printing in any way so naturally I assumed (don't say it, I know) that this book was in its first edition.  I sincerely hope the teacher corrects this oversight in future to prevent similar circumstances as we were not the only attendees with the problem.  I went back to the library and the other copy? 2004.  My lucky day.  Moving on.

I had this brilliant idea that Kitty could do her class while we were on vacation.  I mean, really, it's only an hour and a half of class, right?  Right.  Well, she did pretty well, considering she had to read four speeches a day plus take a quiz before class each day.  I was proud.

Then we hit quiz four.  I must interject a short explanation here for the reader, did I mention I am a control freak?  I am also a former college professor and a real stickler for accuracy.  The quiz contained two errors: one question did not list the correct answer among the choices and another question was worded ambiguously and was, therefore, misleading.  What to do.  I was really worried that if I emailed the teacher she might get angry and think I was criticizing unnecessarily.  But hey, wrong is wrong and I figured it needed to be corrected so I emailed.

Many times in the past I have been raked over the coals for questioning accuracy similar to this situation.  This teacher was gracious and receptive and contacted ALL the students asking them to retake the quiz and fill in the answers for those two questions so they would receive the points.  Wow.  Just wow.  I was so happy to see this.  And happy to see students seeing a teacher admit mistakes, correct them, and give students their due grade.  Kudos to you, Landry Academy teacher of Great Orators!

So the whole vacation thing was working fine until I got sick.  Bronchitis.  I was down and out.  It would have been fine except that we were planning to do the fifth quiz Monday morning and as it turned out I was in desperate need of a doctor at that moment.  The quiz had to be done before noon, when class started.  And Kitty had a dental appointment at nine.  So I called around and got an appointment for 10am.  I was really thinking I had pneumonia and was going to end up in the hospital but God is so good, it wasn't so.  The appointment took a whole fifteen minutes and we were out of there.  Prescription in hand I hustled home so she could take the quiz before heading out for some much needed antibiotic relief.

I am hoping the second week is less eventful, but did I mention we are traveling to Oklahoma this weekend?  More school in the car thanks to my hotspot.  Actually, I like school in the car.   I mean, where can they go?  No distractions and they are seat-belted in.  Perfect environment for learning how to stay focused for extended periods of time.

The first four days I sat and watched like a hawk.  I have since stepped aside and the wheels are turning on their own.  My daughter is embracing the goals of the class and the necessity of the daily work and schedule.  She is currently earning a high B, almost an A in the class.  There are two weeks to go, but our first goal has been achieved, she is learning from someone other than me and she is liking it. 

It's like watching a baby bird learning to fly, although you realize they catch on pretty quick and soon fly higher and farther than you ever dreamed they'd go.  But that is the goal, and this momma is proud.  Sniff, sniff.

A REAL Vacation! Part 1

Yep, the title says it all.  Our first REAL vacation.  Meaning, it was planned way in advance and we looked forward to it for a long time, planning and building the excitement so it peaked at just the right moment.

Funny how it all began.  We are not great planners.  We are even worse vacationers (is that a word?).  Every time we would go home to Oklahoma to visit relatives, my sweet husband would start in about our upcoming "vacation."  I would try to nicely explain to him that visiting relatives is visiting relatives.  It is not a vacation.  He adamantly disagrees, even to this very day.

So anyway, last year we went to the Houston home show.  We had a nice time and got lots of ideas for how to spend money we don't have.  Then we passed a booth that advertised a free vacation at Great Wolf Lodge.  Well, my son's friend had just been to this amazing unknown mecca of childhood fantasy and my son started jumping up and down that we had to try to win it.  My husband shrugged his shoulders and I nodded, "Sure.  Why not?  Free sounds good."

Nothing is ever free.  EVER.

So, we spun the wheel and filled out the form and, "Surprise! You've won two nights at..." then the slick salesman in sheep's clothing rattled off some place I've never heard of and we all did a double take.  "No, we want to go to Great Wolf Lodge?  I thought you said we could win that?"  After a short clarification that dear sweet man changed our prize to the much-desired kid-prized destination of, you guessed it, Great Wolf Lodge.  Cue boy jumping up and down and squealing with delight.

Cut to...

Now I knew this would involve a timeshare.  It always involves a timeshare.  But I figured I could sit through two hours of hard-core sales to make the boy's dreams come true.  After all, I know all the tricks of the trade from my own sales and marketing career and if I do say so myself, I was tops (thank you Zig Ziglar).

They've added a few little tweaks to this timeshare nonsense though.  Before you go, you have to pay a fee.  Well, it wasn't much and in light of the expense of the lodging we would get for free I said okay.  So, we scheduled our timeshare visit and let the kids start building castles in the air.

On location...

We drove to Conroe, TX on the day of doom.  It was a gorgeous day.  Seventy lovely degrees and just beautiful.  As we drove into the timeshare property, I sensed trouble.  The property was beautiful.  Gorgeous, actually.  My resolve was set and I was ready for the onset of sales tactics from any Zig Ziglar compendium, but as I looked over at my husband, I realized we were in for trouble.  He had this big grin on his face, the one that says, "I could live like this, yes, I could."  I wanted to scream, I thought, "No you can't and don't even let the idea enter your gullible little head."  I just smiled.

We were greeted by the nicest folks in the world.  I mean, really, every need or desire was instantly met complete with popcorn, Dr. Pepper, candy, and more.  The kids were loving this.  We sat and waited for the salesperson to walk through the door.  I watched as each family was whisked off to financial ruin by a smiling, commission-earning person of exceeding politeness.  I blew out an exhalation, I had been holding my breath.  Then he approached, eager and confident, reaching his hand out to me like he was my long lost buddy from early elementary school.

We got the grand tour.  All the bells and whistles.  Yay.  Okay, it was lovely.  Hardly the point.  I am here to make my son's dreams come true, no more, no less, and purchasing a timeshare is not in the cards, got it?  I just smiled as we walked into the room where numerous families were seated at tables in deep deliberation over monthly payments and maintenance fees.

This guy was good.  I know good and this guy knew all the tricks.  He was using the standard "you can't afford not to" tactic and the "emotional appeal" tactic very well.  He had actually intertwined them and my husband was a goner. 

You see, he had asked the question earlier of me (not my husband, mind you, me!), "Where is your dream vacation spot?"  Well, knowing I could resist this guy to the very end I played along, "Italy, and Greece, " I innocently replied.  Then I looked over at the Giant.  Oops, apparently I had just made a fatal error.  He looked like I had just smacked him.

Quick aside...the Giant has been EVERYWHERE.  His work has given him world travel to all places of wondrous delight.  His guilt was showing thanks to my honesty.

Anyway...Mr. I Can Sell You Anything latched on to my dream vacay and would not let up for one second.  "Wouldn't you love to take your beautiful wife to Italy and make her dreams come true?"  Jerk.  That was really low.  Okay, I don't mean he's really a bad person...he's just hitting below the belt here and that ticked me off.

After I wiped away a few stray tears because of my poor husband's inability to get the guy to lay off I pulled out my own big guns, I said, "No."  The guy stared at me blankly for a full second.  Then he launched into a counter attack (that's where they lower the monthly rate and reduce amenities to make it more affordable) and I said, "No."  He didn't seem to understand.  He had made me cry because I wanted to go to Italy and Greece so bad so this should be easy as pie, right?  "No."

They reduced the price until my husband was ready to pull out his wallet and start signing documents just to get the heck out of there.  They know this routine well, but they underestimated me.

Have you ever seen a salesman able to overcome the wife who says "No"?  No, you haven't.  It befuddles them.  "I thought you wanted to go to..."  "No."  "We can't spend the money on that right now.  No."  Their jaw drops, they fiddle with papers, they look around the room for their boss to rescue them.  The boss comes over and before he gets two words out I say, "No."  "No."

Remember the two hour sales pitch I planned to attend?  Can you say three and a half hours?  Yes, they kept us there for that long.  They just want you to give them money so they will let you leave.  "No."

This next part gets interesting.  Up til now they have been our best friends and our every need was catered to at every moment.  When my last and final "No" reverberated off the walls of the room, suddenly the mood changed.  Be advised, I was not leaving without said free vacation to Great Wolf Lodge, not after the toil and sweat of that nightmare.  So I kindly asked where we should go to finish up and receive our documents.  Well, the young man who had spent so much time with us practically ran out of the room...ran, he ran.  His boss pointed to an exit door and said something to the effect of, "Go that way."  Then he disappeared as well.  We gathered up our exhausted and confused children (so we're not buying the timeshare?) and followed our noses.  When we reached the building where those unseemly people who said "No" to the illustrious timeshare resort splendor go, we entered to find a woman behind a desk.  She did not greet us.  I said "hello" and what do we do next.  She curtly replied that someone would call us soon.

After about ten grueling minutes we were called back by a woman who looked very sorry to be in possession of her job.  We squeezed into a tiny room and were subjugated to explanations of why our free vacation was not free and how much it would cost.  If I hadn't been so worn out I think I would have just exploded.  Instead I smiled and nodded, it wasn't going to cost that much and in the long run it was way cheaper than paying the regular room rate.  "Just get the certificate." That's all I kept thinking.  I finally had it.  She handed the blessed item over the desk and into my hands.  There it was, two nights at Great Wolf Lodge for me and my family.  For about a hundred and some odd dollars mind you, but it was ours, nonetheless.

It was a victory.  We walked out of that room and out of the building towards our car.  I was grinning from ear to ear.  I couldn't help it.  I had done it.  I had kept my husband's wallet in his pocket and obtained the treasure of all treasures, the key to our first REAL family vacation.  I couldn't wait to start planning and to see what else we could do in the area.  It was like winning the Super Bowl.  Ring, please?

Part 2 will document the months and phone calls and emails it took to actually BOOK the vacation.  Anyone thinking of repeating our experience should be warned, I do NOT recommend it.  These people are really aliens and they have mind altering popcorn.  You have been duly warned.