New me, cont.

A little bottle of hair color.  That's all.  Just a small thing.  The funny thing is, it's like suddenly I recognized myself in the mirror.  Weird?  Maybe.

Who am I?  Well...I'm her - that woman in the mirror.  There's a lot more work to do to be happy with who I am.  Getting healthy and eating right, for starters.

But a smile is a great beginning.

A New Me?

I am aging pretty well.  I guess.  The gray is mixed and adds a sort of silvery shimmer to my brown curls.  The curls are not natural these days.  As a young woman I had soft wavy curls - before straight was fashionable so I didn't mind.  I got a perm almost six months ago and it has lasted a long time; but it dried my hair out something awful and I had to cut two inches off.

I stopped wearing make-up when I went to grad school in Canada.  Canadian winters don't do mascara very well and the whole thing just got too time consuming.  I never really got back into the habit.

So here's me; graying and no make-up.

Then there's the weight issue.  I went on a diet last fall and lost 20 pounds.  Awesome, right?  Yes.  Awesome, but depression feeds anxiety and for me that meant...eat.  So here I am back at the place where I need to lose weight and get in shape.

I am doing well mentally and winning the battle against fear and depression.  God is good.  He loves me just as I am.  I guess the big question is do I?  Do I love me this way?  Can I look at myself in the mirror and smile and say, "You rock this world!"

Nope.  I can't.

My kids do.  They see me with God-like eyes and I am so thankful for that.  They look up at me and their eyes shine and they smile and giggle, "Tickle me, Mommy!"

I'm an older mom.  Most parents of 5-10 year olds are in their early 30's.  I'm 47.  Does that change things - your perspective, your response to the world?  Yeah.  It does.

So here I go on a grand experiment.  My former self (before marriage and kids - the career minded me) was high maintenance.  Elegant.  Beautiful?  Well, at least well put together.  I felt good and I felt I looked good.


Just because I homeschool and want to be earth mother someday - grow my own food and raise free range chickens - doesn't mean I have to look the part.  Not that I want to be Audrey Hepburn either.  Let's find a balance between the ridiculous and the sublime.  Here we go.

Former me was brunette, polished nails and a svelte 115 pounds.  Perfect make-up all the time and dressed for success.

I think I will color the hair again.  It stays healthier from all the conditioning that goes with that and hopefully the dryness will be eliminated.  I love that it has a function as well as the "beauty" aspect.  I'm more practical these days.

No to the nails - gets in the way of playing guitar and other crafty skills.  As for make-up - I think I'll try for "more often" rather than everyday.  Although I do want to get some gentle treatments to reduce the scars from old blemishes on my face.  They, more than anything, make me feel old.   No to any form of botox or surgeries - I believe God wants us to show our children that aging is just as much a part of life as anything else.  This is about getting comfortable in my skin again and liking what I see.

Some of you may want to quote scriptures that tell me to relax and be myself and let God love me and be thankful for that and on and on.  That's what I am trying to do here.  I think I have to meet Him halfway and show Him that I can care properly for this vessel He loaned me.  I've been caring for the kids and the house and the husband and I've lost myself.  I've lost the motivation to be and feel beautiful.

So, here I go.  Hair, face, diet and work-out routine coming up in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...

Will post results.

Minout

Back in September we noticed a kitten roaming our parts of the neighborhood.

She was pretty dog-gone cute.


So...after a few days we put food out and she would eat it daily and hang out in the bushes.  A friend of mine has a cat trap (I didn't even know these existed) so we borrowed it and embarked on a rescue mission.

We caught her in one day.

Thus began life with Minout.  

After three weeks our other two cats began to stop hissing at her.  She just wanted to play but they are all grown up and lazy now so any activity was received with an unwelcome "SSSSSSSSSSSS!"

She kept at them until first one, then the other relented.  They have become friends of a sort.

In the mean time, Minout has become my enemy.  Maybe she instinctively knows I am not a cat person?  Maybe she just looks at me with that all-knowing  knowledge that she can get away with murder because I can't EVER catch her.  Whatever the case, we have come to a crossroads and thank heaven for great friends who happen to also be cat lovers.

The other day my husband walks into the kitchen and says that his socks smell like cat pee.  Yuck.  "Did they pee on the laundry again?" I asked.  "I don't think so," was all he said.  This habit I was aware of and in the process of correcting.  Next thing I see him cleaning his shoe out with a wipe.  "You've got to be kidding?" I say, aghast.  He just smiles and nods. 

Poor Minout.  All that lovely litter in her cat box and she has to pee in my husband's shoe.  What has a cat's life come to?

I'll tell you what it's come to.  She is now going to be an outdoor cat and live with our dear friends who are gracious enough to adopt her, at least until we move.  Our neighborhood is not tolerant of cats prowling the streets.

My cat loving daughter is sad yet aware of the necessity of this decision.  It will also cut down on the house cat odor and vacuuming which (since we actually want to sell the house) - is good.

Any cat owners who've had a similar experience please feel free to help me out here, as Minout will be coming home again once we move.  Was it something I said?  Hmmmmm.

Grandmother's Tea Towels

I am an only child.  When I was young, we would travel from Tulsa to Oklahoma City to visit my Grandparents.  It's about a two hour trip and we went often.  There are so many things about my Grandmother's house and skills that shaped my own passions in life.  One that I had never really noticed, much less appreciated, was her home made tea towels.

These are soft white fabrics which were used to make potato sacks in the old days.  Now you can buy them at Hobby Lobby ($6.99 for 2).  In the above photo you can see one of Grandma's stitched towels in front.  Not only does this remind me how much the world has changed, there is a bittersweet sadness that goes along with it.

She can no longer stitch tea towels. 

When my Grandfather died quite a while back, I was given a stack of seven tea towels Grandmother had made.  I didn't think then that they were important or that they would mean so much later.  I was a lot younger and very busy with life and career.

As the years went on she would stitch these in the quiet of her apartment in the senior care center while I was miles away, in Canada, Boston, or wherever.

I would be handed a new set periodically as mine wore out.  I used them.  The funny thing is, I never knew I needed them until I was given them.  I dry dishes with them, but usually I just dry my hands on them and see them in the kitchen as I walk by doing my normal "kitcheney" stuff.

Grandmother trimmed all of her towels in blue, as it was her favorite color.  Since my kitchen is red and green I would think, "Someday I need to make some towels that match my kitchen."

Her eyes are too weak to stitch these days and my towels are all getting holes in them from washing.  It's like the past is disintegrating, demanding that someone fill the void.

Well, the other day I was at Hobby Lobby getting Valentines supplies and as I walked down one of the aisles there they were staring at me...potato sack tea towels.  And next to them the iron on transfers made by the same company Grandma used.  I casually picked up a set and tossed them into my basket along with a set of patterns.  Wheeling around to the next aisle I picked out some thread in shades of red and green.

I was so pleased with the first one that I got more excited as each stitch went into it.  Once finished, I was happy just to stare at it as I passed by. 

Funny, it calms me.  I look at it and I think, "Grandma would be pleased."  She would smile and say, "You did this?" Then she would say, "Give me a hug!" and tell me how proud she was of me. 

I live in Houston now and those hugs are miles away and I am almost unknown to her now as her mind grows farther from us. 

So her hugs, for me, are wrapped up in a potato sack tea towel.

Link to Lollipop Valentines

I am saving this for next year, but thought you might like it too.  These are ADORABLE!
http://www.filthwizardry.com/2011/02/giant-lolly-pop-valentines.html

Valentines

Thinking about Valentines Day always makes me remember things I am drawn to...all things Victorian (architecture, fashion, jewelry, bric-a-brac, etc), primitive antiques, old linens, pearl handled fountain pens with inkwells, calligraphy and - oh, yes - antique valentines.

With all good intentions each year I set out to do some great crafting on this day.  Yet with typical craziness getting in the way and altering the plans I am amazed that we can actually get organized and get to the table with scissors, glue, and supplies in hand.  But we did!

We had already made beautiful boxes.  The girls chose boxes made of wood and we primed them with gesso and then painted them.  Makenna taped off sections of her box to paint white and it looks darling (see photo above).  They then added stickers and ribbons and as usual, I had to stand by and yell "Whoa!" when it looked like sticker overload was about to occur!  We talked about balance and Makenna realigned her stickers so that they matched on each side.  The result was terrific and she was very pleased with it.

Maggie's box looks like her personality - cute, charming, bubbly, and capricious.  She was very particular about the stickers and decos and there were many times when she would interject, "No, Mom, not that way!  I want this, instead!"  She certainly knows her mind.

Brennan's box is pirate themed and since it was made out of cardboard we primed it too.  He had chosen a metallic paint (unknown to me at the time) and it was a little tough to get the paint to go on even.  He was very patient and gave it three coats.  Then the stickers kept peeling up so I had to modge podge them down in places for him.   But what a great result!

So with the boxes ready it was time for the creation of some really great valentines to go in them.  I don't know if you find store valentines uninspiring, but I sure do.  Yet inevitably I end up buying them because the kids like them.  However I am making a vow, right here and right now that next year we will make them ALL by hand.  I've seen so many cute ones on blogs recently and so I am pledging to myself to use forethought and planning next year to make some of the darling cards I've seen.  Please hold me to it!

So there we are at the table with good friends and our goal is to make a "Victorian" type of card.  We have cards and doilies, stickers and lace, ribbon galore and stamps.   The kids are very intent on their goals and without much coaching, begin to assemble their cards.  Maggie goes for the stamps, Makenna for the stickers.  Brennan heads outside to play with his friend Wells.  "Bye boys! Behave yourselves!"

It's just us girls.  What took considerable thought to prepare and purchase took about 7 minutes to complete.  Amazing.  I'm stupefied that all this is over in a moment and the girls each walk off pleased with their creation, ready for the next activity.  There's me though, still at the table thinking, "I want to make one too!"  So I place the items here and there on my card and doily and think about what will make it look just right and who will I give it too.  I move a thing or two and then, pleased with the final look, grab the glue dots (okay, nothing Victorian about those but wouldn't trade them for Elmer's any day!)

Here's my result.  It's still waiting to be given - it might even have to wait a year.  But it's pretty to look at even if it did only take seven minutes to make.  Reminder to self - hunt for antique valentines online for inspiration and use more pastels next time.  Oh, and you forgot to ink the edges!

Medieval Maidens

We finished up a play that the girls were in back in December and are left with some gorgeous costumes.  I asked the girls to put them on so I could take pictures of them and Big Girl was so goofy I couldn't get a sweet shot.  Oh well, sometimes you just have to roll with it. 

Actually, Pigeon wasn't all that cooperative either!  I love these pics.

On Banners

So last time I tried to design a banner for my blog was two years ago.  At that time I could not figure out how to upload it (now it is so easy).  I am pretty pleased with my collage of lovely digital scrapbook files.  I hope you like it too.  Peaceful and calming is my thought on it, just what I was hoping for!

Blogging...

Well, this is my third attempt.  After reading some beautiful blogs and inspiring words I am hoping that maybe my thoughts might just lift someone's day too, or at least provide food for a smile.  I have learned since my first attempts that I am an artist first and that my love for beauty might just find a window here.  The words "be true to yourself" are everywhere and so I am pledging to myself to do so.

Here's to the journey!